When my teacher passed out the course guidelines for the next seven months of instruction, after reading them I knew immediately that I wanted to document part of my journey digitally and using my preferred media—the Internet. It’s one part of my life—the Internet and sharing writing—I’ve been intrinsically connected with for years. Sharing these words is cathartic, to me special, and, well, somewhat public.
(This is from two nights ago. The style of writing is more journaling than some of my past posts, but I choose to share it anyway.)
At some point today, I altered my outlook—I lightened my perspective on the changes coming my way. Work carried forth with a laugh, as it almost always should; the duties of the afternoon became more like a game, floating from one stop to th next. The worries and concerns about… whatever seemed to bother me at the time melted away.
Instead, I face the midnight hour with a quiet breath, as if it’s my weekend. The floor is swept, the bathroom is clean, my clothes are clean, dry, folded and put away. Tomorrow’s outfit selected, my body clean and ready for whatever is next…
or better yet, what is now.
Each moment of this transition is special, from the sensation of emotion at losing accounts and relationships that I’ve built over three years to the insights and perspective that fall into place like puzzle pieces as I dissect the yoga sutras, one of the two first texts as part of yoga teacher training. Friends and conversations have kept me afloat when the tension becomes to great, music has carried me through MasterGalleys at work and mornings that I dreaded leaving the house. And now my brain and heart carry me through this calm night and transitions.
I’m preparing my brain and body to heart to take on new skills and abilities to live and work among new “families.” My current “family,” some of whom came through True North, helped develop what I consider to be my first taste of professional sensibilities. How I grow from here will be nothing short of an incredible, beautiful journey.
I am ready! What’s here will always be pleasurable and painful; I create my happiness among the discomfort.
I have so much to share and give to people in my life, in my community and in my heart, and I’m initiating the first step and letting go of control and embracing what is…with a quiet mind, conscious body and intact soul.
(And this is from this morning, on what begins the second day of my 200 hour yoga teacher training with Jessica Jollie.)
In my mind and heart, the steady but subtle shift happened months ago—I think when I invited the power of transformation (through yoga) into my routine at least five or six days a week. While my practice has slowly helped me soften and shift over time, LAST NIGHT, the first night of training, marks the physical shift.
As I crested Forrest Ave. on my ride home and then rolled into my driveway, exhausted physically and mentally from an intense evening, I was greeted by my housemate, her boyfriend and friends. They shared homemade sushi with me, which I graciously accepted. The unwavering support I feel from her is profound.
I have been preparing for this transformation and experience all of my life up until now—in past lives, as some would say. I remember sharing that with my mom when I told her about registering for the program. I was drawn toward this place and space with great intention and thoughtfulness—not just this training, either. This house, my career shift, this space I have created mentally, physically and spiritually.
I have created—with INCREDIBLE ASSISTANCE and support from ALL of my family, friends and loved ones—a space for me not only to exist but to grow and cultivate ideas and love, and most importantly to look inward (the journey to innerspace!) so I can better guide others through the same process. So I can teach.
I am a teacher. On the path I’ve been on, this is a point to remember, and as Jessica remarked last night as we closed, one to get used to.
I am a forever student. I am a teacher.